


Not Without You

by crescentmoonxo



Category: Archie Comics, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Depressing, F/M, Heartbreak, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-09-23 23:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescentmoonxo/pseuds/crescentmoonxo
Summary: What's the point of moving on if it's without you?Betty is at a point of her life where she is trying to cope with what she has dealt with over the years. And at times the only comfort she's looking for is by the one person she's trying to move on from.OrBetty has a hard time mourning the absence of her soulmate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Bughead story! I’m super nervous and I’m pretty sure there’s mistakes all over since I wrote it pretty fast and “edited” by myself so I apologize. I’m sorry in advance for the all the angst that this story contains (it’s been in my head for a while and I’ve been wanting to write it out) but I’m the type of person that likes to cry and loves sad movies…I know it’s twisted but there’s something romantic about sadness (sometime). Plus I was watching Sweet November while writing it so that’s partly to blame I guess.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy it, remember it’s my first story so please be nice haha and let me know your thoughts
> 
> Warning: main character death

_Light_.

Light was the first thing Betty registered as she was waking up. Pain was the next feeling. Her head felt like she had either had a great time last night or got hit. It couldn’t be a hangover, not because she didn’t drink last night, she did. But she hasn’t been a lightweight for sometime now. After graduating college she’d attended enough parties to make her somewhat of a master of not containing a hangover the next day. And she hasn’t been in a fight since middle school when she pushed Cheryl for making Polly cry and she got a slap in return but a hug from her older sister. No. This pain was different. Almost like something was putting pressure on both temples. She was familiar with it all too well.

She ignored the feeling, as she’d been doing for the past months as it would come and go . She was exhausted by it but the doctor that checked the month when it started put it off as a migraine caused by stress and lack of sleep. It was stupid to think that the cause of the discomfort was the exact reason she had trouble sleeping, therefore being stressed about it in the first place.

She placed her hand on her head as she rolled herself on her back to a more comfortable position and said a silent prayer that today this pain would go away soon. She wasn’t ready to get up, but as she felt the bed next to her sink in a bit she knew she would have some explaining to do.

 _“Are we staying in bed today?”_  She felt his warm breath on her ear as he asked. Eyes still closed she replied in a quick whisper. “ _You’re up early today”_

Taking her hand away from her face and placing it on her stomach, she felt him settle in more comfortably next to her body and waited for a response. His arm wrapped around her as he nestled his face between her shoulder and neck. She took a deep breathe and inhaled his sweet cologne with a hint of coffee and she placed her hand over the one he draped cross her waist.

 _“Why are you here so early?”_  She asked. Not that she was complaining or not happy to feel him with her but he was always known for sleeping in, ever since they started dating in high school, he wasn’t fond of waking up so early, unless of course there was food involved which in case there wasn’t so she was curious.

 _“Ronnie’s worried about you.”_  She opened her eyes at the quick explanation that matched the dark blue eyes that were staring back at her and didn’t hesitate to speak  _“Well Ronnie should mind her own business rather than thinking she knows what I’m going through.”_  As soon as the words left her she could see his eyes saddened. He hesitated to respond, knowing she was upset and having a permanent migraine wasn’t helping.

After a few breathes, he spoke.  _“You need to get up Elizabeth . I need you to move on. The sooner you leave this apartment and find some-“_  She didn’t want to hear this, not from him.

 _“Stop! Just…”_  She yanked herself away as she rolled over on her side. “Will you just stay with me Jug? No talking. Just, please. Please. Stay with me?” She felt her eyes burn with tears as she pleaded. Her whole life has seemed to have been events of “moving on”. Moving on from her judgmental parents, moving on from Riverdale, moving on from her long time crush of Archie Andrews. She was exhausted from moving on. She needed to be steady but lately it seems as if she was breaking. Any moment she was gonna break.

Her tears creeped through as shut her eyelids at the sense of feeling his warmth, and he closed the distance as much as he could and hugged her body from behind. She felt a slight pressure on her hair as he kissed it.

_“I’m here, my love. And I’ll stay as long as you need me Betts.”_

She felt her stomach tighten and she held her breath as she was holding back a sob that was at her throat from hearing the use of her nickname. Hearing the nickname stung, but hearing it from that voice was torture.

“ _That’s the problem. You’re not here anymore”._

No pain, along with a migraine could ever compete with what was causing her heart to break. Feeling him so close and hearing his voice was only going to make it worse as soon as she was fully awake. It always feels worst. She knew it was coming. Her migraine had subsided while her senses were focused on a much bigger emotion of pain but as soon as the pain of her head was fading back into her focus, she knew. This is how it always goes.

And just like that, with her eyes closed she could still feel the once warmth on her back gone and be replaced by cool air of the room and the pressure that hugged her across had faded. She knew. All that that occupied the room now…

_was her…and the pain._

The darkness soon followed.


	2. Look for the light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know originally this story was supposed to be just a one-shot but when I first wrote it I knew how I wanted the story to end but I had things going on IRL that I didn't think I could do it so left it as a one-shot. Well...as you can see I added another chapter lol. I really love this story, even though I haven't written the entire thing yet I know where it'll go and I hope you enjoy the journey :). Also, go easy on me I don't have a beta so there's probably a few mistakes >_<

So she sees the ghost of her dead fiancee, big deal. At first, it startled her. A glimpse of him would be there and then he would vanish before she even got a chance to register his presence. Then his visits were more frequent, longer and soon he was talking to her. A caress on the cheek, ‘i love you’ throughout the day was all she needed to make it through. And she swears she can feel his touch, there was still warmth in them but she couldn't explain how, soon it didn’t really matter, all that mattered was he was still there.

It’s been 3 months since the migraines started and since it’s been hurting less and less every day. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Now she was up at their apartment, well her apartment now, alone. She hated whenever she had to remind herself that there was no “we” or “theirs” or “us”. Life sucks that way. You can go through your whole life with someone, planning for the future, not knowing that they won’t be there to live it with you.

But is there as one thing Betty was good at and it was being positive. If she could be positive through her parent's divorce, hanging out with Cheryl even though she would criticize her taste in outfits, and even being there for V through her break-ups with Archie, all 5 of them, then she could be positive in this situation. Not everyone can cope with losing their soulmate but not many can say that they see them right? So there’s the positive. She can still see him, talk to him. All she needs is to see him once, just once and she’ll be set for the rest of the day. Now if he’s able to stay longer, she’ll take that too.

Taking a long hot shower always improved her mood so she takes one. It’s been a while since she’s been able to feel the water. The last months she’s been numb, a robot walking through the apartment. It’s nice to begin to feel normal again. She combs out her and she can feel his eyes on her. Even if was a ghost, his presence made the room live again.

_“You look beautiful today.”_

She turns to him and gives him a sad but genuine smile. Always the romantic. Even though she doesn’t have any clothes but a towel on or makeup, her eyes probably look puffy and red from crying in the shower and her hair is wet he calls her beautiful. He always made her feel like she was. She’s happy to see him, of course, she is, but it’s hard. This part is always hard. She’ll never use to the fact that he’ll never fully be there. She’ll always have to say goodbye.

 _“You always look beautiful”_ His smile grew. God could this boy smile. His eyes always had a twinkle in them when he sees her and it always made her weak in the knees. They were so in love.

 _“I miss you”_ She hadn’t meant to say it out loud. She hated putting a sad tone whenever he came to see her. She wanted to make these moments count because she was scared if he saw her so sad maybe he would think it was him and he’d stop coming.

His smile faded a bit and he lightly shook his head and look down to himself than to her.  
_“I'm right here babe.”_

 _But you’re not_ , she thinks to herself. She looks at him and tried to suppress her eyes from tearing up. _“You know what I mean”_

He knew. But he always good at avoiding. He walks over to her and tucks her hair behind her ears before cupping her face and just looks at her. His touch feels off, but he is dead so that’s probably why.

They stay like this for a while. Sometimes saying nothing, says everything. He does this every time he’s about to leave. His face always looks torn, almost in pain, like he doesn't want to leave, she doesn’t want him to either. She sees him look down at her lips and like the dance they’ve mastered their lips meet. And before she’s able to focus on what it feels like the moment is over.

He takes a couple of steps back, eyes still on her. _“I have to go”_

Saying goodbye is hard, so they don’t.

_“I’ll see you soon, okay?”_

“Okay.” She forces a smile and nods. He doesn’t need to be worried about her.

 _“I love you_ Betts _.”_ Every time that he speaks to her, it’s full of love that she doesn’t need to hear him say the words but he does and she smiles, a genuine one this time. _“I love you too.”_ He smiles wider, almost chuckling from happiness.

She turns back to brushing her hair, she hates having to see him disappear. The room always feels more empty and cold when he does. He’ll be back soon she reminds herself, and until then she’ll think positive and try focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what your thoughts! or come say hi :D Tumblr


	3. Inhale...exhale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Can't believe I'm adding another chapter when it was meant to be a one-shot haha. I struggle a little doing multiple chapters but I really enjoyed this story and writing, hope you like where this is going :) & I apologize for any errors :/

She doesn't know how they got here, how she got here. 

 

Tears threatened to leak through behind her closed eyes. She inhaled deeply. Her lips started quivering, it wasn’t fair. Not too long ago they were talking about moving into a bigger place, one they could see themselves starting a family in. At first, the thought scared the hell outta her because they weren't even married, when that would happen he would simply chuckle and quickly assure her  _ “Relax Betty. All in good time.” _

 

1 

 

2

 

3

 

_ All in good time. _

 

She exhaled.

 

She laughed at the thought. How things can change, how they can disappear. 

 

How people can disappear.

 

So here she was, alone in what used to be their haven. She glances at the clock, it was just after 11 am. He was late but she was glad, relieved almost. He didn't need to see her like this, it wasn’t his fault the car missed the red light and slammed into them. Everything went dark after that. Her first memory after that was waking up at home. Alone. She doesn't even remember the funeral, for that she was grateful.

 

Now it’s a place that holds dreams and memories. Memories that at times she wishes she could forget. Dreams of a life she’ll never have. This place no longer had warmth, there was no presence or life in it anymore. It used to be her favorite part of the day, coming home, to him. Now it’s as if there are 2 ghosts that live there. Two souls trapped in a time that they wish they could freeze indefinitely. 

 

But it’s the life she knew she couldn’t keep, at least not for long. 

 

Mourning does that, you can be pulled under a blanket of sadness one day and the next you swear you feel hope within yourself. Now that the migraines were slipping away and letting her rest easier maybe there was hope in having a life, a new life. But that meant letting this one go.

 

But how? How do you let go of the only thing you've known? 

 

She could feel the burning through her eyelids as the tears escaped. 

 

Inhale.

 

1

 

2

 

3

 

Her breathe coming out shaky as she exhaled, eyes still closed.

 

_ “I hate seeing you like this” _

 

Her eyes snapped open, brushing off the fresh tears running down her cheeks as she turned to the direction of the voice.

 

He's laying on his back next to her, so close she swears she can smell the coffee he would drink every morning. 

 

His eyes carry so much sadness and guilt that she wishes she could reach out to touch him and ease that away. It hits her at that moment. She’s always going to want to reach for him. 

 

She studies his face as he positions himself on his side, facing her, he gently places one hand and brushes her hair to the side, wanting to see her face better. It doesn't feel like a touch, more like a light air that you feel when you’re walking too fast. 

 

He studies her face till reaching her eyes, keeping his gaze there. This isn't the life he wants for her, he could feel her struggling, mostly with herself. He could feel her craving to move on but not wanting to leave him behind. She deserved more than this life of stillness, where nothing changes. She could see him struggle to find the words, opening his mouth a few times, whatever it was that he was about to say, neither of them wanted those words spoken. 

 

_ He nodded gently and somehow found the words. “You can let go.” _

 

He meant it. She could see that he meant it, Betty immediately looked down and broke. Feeling her face scrunch as a stream of tears flowed down her face. All the emotions, frustrations, even sadness come out in tears. Her stomach pumped uncontrollably as the sobs fell from her lips. 

 

Over her own sounds, she heard him continue.

 

_ “You can, and I’ll try to let go too.” _

 

Hearing how torn his voice sounded was torture. He was the one gone, off in a new life and should be at peace, but yet here was, struggling too.  

 

_ “God—-Betty I don’t know if I can.” _

 

She could taste the salt tears, not being able to stop them from dropping.

 

_ “Please open your eyes.” _

 

But she couldn’t. Looking at up now, she didn't know what would become of her if she did. 

 

_ “Please come back to me Betts” _

 

His words come out with an echo that she barely hears. She slowly looked up at him. Through her stuttering breathe she spoke

 

“Jug, what—I'm here. I’m right here.”

 

He clearly is looking at her right now, but it’s different. Almost as if he’s seeing through her. She notices that he’s barely there, slowly fading. She sees his mouth move but now its a whisper.

 

_ “—-wake up” _

 

She felt something, or rather someone grabs her hand just then. Looking down at her hand she could feel the warmth. Her hand started to tingle. 

 

Inhale

 

1

 

2

 

3

 

Then everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?? Let me know! or come say hi on Tumblr: crescentlunaxo

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> 


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